She Drives Me Crazy
by Mylari
Summary: Lance is struggling with something related to one of the other paladins.


Written for Voltronicplague for the Voltron Summer Gift Exchange based on his prompt "After Pidge reveals that she's a girl, one of the male paladins (author's choice) contemplates whether he is developing feelings for her, or even if they have been there for a while. He finally gets the nerve to talk to her about it."

* * *

It was dark in the castle, the lights dimmed to create an illusion of night. Lance strode through the seemingly endless corridors aimlessly, unable to sleep even after going through his bedtime beauty rituals twice. But, he just couldn't clear his mind enough to drift off. He kept thinking of her, no matter how hard he tried not to. And of course the harder he tried, the more impossible a task it became to keep her face from filling his imagination. Eventually he'd given up, shoved his feet into plush lion slippers, and washed the cream from his face.

He'd planned to make his way to the training deck and exhaust himself until he passed out, but when he got close he heard noises and looked in to find Keith sparring with a computer generated opponent. Groaning, he turned away. Keith was the last person he wanted to run into right now. Check that, next to last.

Without thinking about where he was going, he let his feet guide him, each step echoing softly in the empty space. When he looked up next, he was surprised to find himself outside Shiro's room. He stood there and stared at the door wondering if the Black Paladin was awake or not, wondering if it was worth the risk of waking Shiro just to have someone to talk to about his problem. Lance had just decided to give up and walk away when the door opened suddenly and he found himself blinking, half blinded by the room's illumination.

"Lance? What are you doing out here at this time of night?" Shiro asked as he studied the slumped figure before him.

"Couldn't sleep." He shrugged, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his robe and refusing to meet the other's concerned gaze.

"Want to come in and talk about whatever's on your mind?" Shiro took a step back and to one side, allowing the youth to enter.

Lance's only response was to shuffle through the doorway and flop down onto the edge of the neatly made bed.

Shiro tapped the wall panel and the door swished shut behind him, a soft click indicating that the lock had been engaged. He turned and leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed over his broad chest, and waited patiently for Lance to speak. Even though he hadn't known the boy for long, Shiro was good at reading people and figuring out how to deal with them on their own terms. Lance's voice may have been silent, but his body language was speaking volumes.

They stayed like that for nearly ten minutes, Shiro quietly watching and waiting; Lance fidgeting, squirming, standing, and dropping back to the bed, all the while opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water as he tried to put words to whatever was thundering around inside his head.

Eventually, the younger boy fell still and his head lifted to meet his leader's eyes. "Was I really the only one who didn't know?" he asked suddenly.

Shiro started then blinked in confusion. "Didn't know what, Lance?"

"That she was… I mean that he was…" He threw his hands in the air and lurched from the bed. "That Pidge was a GIRL?!" he finished. "How did I miss it? How did everyone else see it?"

A slight smirk raised one corner of Shiro's mouth and he chuckled softly. "Is that what this is all about? Look, Lance, it's not a big deal. I knew because I knew her family. Once she told me who her father and brother were, I just put two and two together. I don't know what clues anyone else may have picked up on."

"But how did _I_ miss seeing it? I _always_ notice girls. How'd I miss the fact that there was one right under my nose?"

"Does it really change anything? She's still the same person she was before, isn't she? When you first met, you weren't expecting a girl, so when she presented herself as male you had no reason to question her. It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about."

"You don't get it, Shiro. It does change things. It changes everything. I can't help but see her differently now," Lance's voice dropped and he turned away from the older paladin. "I close my eyes and all I can see are the curves I missed before. The ones she tries to hide in her clothes. The ones that her armor brings out. I don't see a brother in arms anymore, I don't see a buddy to go chase girls with."

Shiro remained silent, watching as Lance paced the small room. He wasn't sure what to say to ease the Blue Paladin's mind, so instead he listened as the words came tumbling out.

"Shiro, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act around her anymore."

"Why do you have to act differently? She's still Pidge. Why does anything else matter?"

"Because I can't stop thinking about her," he said, lifting his eyes to Shiro's.

And that's when Shiro finally understood the real problem Lance was struggling with. "Y'know, I think maybe you should be having this conversation with her."

"WHAT? No. No, I can't talk to her. Out of the question. Completely. Out. Of. The. Question."

"You have to be able to talk to her, Lance. You have to be able to work with her, count on her, just like the rest of us."

"I don't think so. You and Hunk, sure, but now it's like there are two Keith's on the team. I don't think I can do this anymore, Shiro."

Shiro's eyes narrowed and he shook his head. "There's no reason you can't get along with Keith either. And as much as I'd love to help you delve into whatever you want to call that dynamic you two have going on," he said, waving his hand before him, "we need to work on the Pidge situation first," he finished evenly.

"You're going to need to figure out what about this revelation is so hard for you to accept and then you're going to have to find a way to accept it anyway. Voltron can't function effectively with a Paladin who can't talk to the rest of the team."

Lance took a deep breath, preparing to argue further, but then suddenly let it out in a huff when he realized that Shiro was right. This was his problem and he was going to have to find a way to resolve it. Of course that meant facing the real reason he was struggling right now.

"Fine. Good night." He practically spat the words as he strode to the door.

Shiro was blocking the control panel, preventing him from making the grand exit he had planned in his head.

"Listen, Lance. It'll all work out, you'll see. And I'm here if you want to talk more. Any time, day or night, my door is always open."

Lance looked pointedly at the closed door in front of him before turning to face Shiro and raising an eyebrow.

"Right," Shiro added sheepishly as he pressed the button to unlock the door. "Try to get some sleep, Lance. Things might make more sense in the morning."

* * *

Breakfast the next morning was awkward. Well at least as far as Lance was concerned. He'd tried to take Shiro's advice, but if he'd been able to sleep, he would never have been in Shiro's room last night in the first place. Instead he'd tossed and turned, images of the Green Paladin forming whenever he'd closed his eyes. Eventually he did manage to doze off only to be plagued by dreams of Pidge. He dreamed of their first meeting as they checked team assignments in the hallway. However in his dream Hunk wasn't there and Pidge wasn't trying to hide her femininity. He'd woken up before they could do anything, but he recognized what kind of dream it was shaping up to be. When he managed to fall asleep again, the dreams returned too. This time they were on the training deck in the castle, using the odd helmets that let them see into each other's minds. Without a barrier between them, his thoughts mingled with hers, all their desires laid bare. Once again he woke with a start. Heart pounding and breath ragged, he decided that he'd slept enough for one night and took the closest thing to a cold shower that he could manage in this crazy castle.

But now he knew. Now he understood why Pidge being a girl was such a big deal to him. They'd become friends during their times training in the simulators. And while she wouldn't let him, or anyone really, get close to her, he'd somehow let her get close to him whether she knew it or not. He'd always thought that she shirked away from physical contact because some guys were just like that, but now he realized it was because she was afraid someone would realize that she didn't _feel_ like a guy. Then his imagination took over and he wondered if she took the trouble to try to smell masculine too or if there would be a hint of flowers if he sniffed her hair. And then he'd taken another cold shower.

Now Lance sat across from her at the breakfast table and did his best to act casual. He could tell from the odd looks Keith kept throwing his way that he was failing miserably. With a sigh, he ran his spoon through the food goo on his plate, but he just couldn't bring himself to eat another mouthful of the oddly textured stuff. He dropped the spoon back onto his plate before pushing it away from him and declaring himself full. He could feel Shiro's eyes on him, knew that his lack of appetite had been noticed, but it didn't matter.

Without another word, he stood and walked to the doorway. He'd barely made it into the hallway before he was slammed into a wall. "What's your problem, Keith?"

"My problem? What's my problem? My problem is you and the way you've been treating Pidge since she told us her secret. You've barely spoken to her since then and you keep glaring at her like she's got the plague or something."

"I have not!"

"Really? You didn't say one word to her at breakfast just now."

"It's none of your business. Since when do you feel the need to be her champion anyway?"

"SHE doesn't need a champion." Pidge stated blandly from her position in the doorway. "Keith, back off. I don't need you to fight my battles for me," she ordered, her gaze on him icy enough to prevent him from arguing.

He lowered his hands, and after sending a short growl at Lance, he turned and walked away.

"And as for you, Lance, if you have a problem with me, just say so. I can take it."

Lance didn't say anything. He just stood there for a minute blinking slowly. Eventually, he turned and started walking unhurriedly in the direction of his quarters. He didn't stop when he heard her footsteps pounding down the hallway behind him. He didn't stop when she called his name. He didn't stop until her hand grasped his sleeve and pulled him around to face her.

Still, he didn't say anything as his eyes roamed her face. His gaze traced the path of the curls in her hair. He noticed how the glare of the overhead lights hid the color of her eyes behind her glasses. He counted the furrows between her brows as she frowned at him.

"What is your problem, Lance?" she demanded, suddenly feeling awkward and exposed before him.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"I dunno, because you're acting weird. Well weirder. Than you normally do. And that should tell you something. What did I do, Lance? Do you hate me because I'm a girl? Are you that shallow that you don't think a girl can be a Paladin of Voltron? That only big strong guys can defend the universe?"

"WHAT? NO! Of course not. Wait… Did you just say that I was big and strong?" he asked with a wink.

Pidge rolled her eyes. "Lance, seriously, since I made my confession you haven't been able to spend five minutes around me."

"It's not for the reasons you think though. But it's my problem. I'll get over it. Eventually."

"Well, if my gender changes how you're going to act around me, don't you think I deserve to know why?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know why. You'll only end up hating me."

She raised one eyebrow and regarded him evenly. "I already hate you, Lance. Nothing will change that. Now tell me what did change."

He sighed dramatically, paced the width of the corridor twice, and turned to face her again. "I don't hate you, Pidge. Can't we just leave it at that?"

"Nope."

"Look, ever since I found out you were really a girl, I've started to look at you differently."

"Yeah I noticed. That is when you can bring yourself to look at me."

"No, I have to stop myself from looking at you. Don't you get it?"

"Get what, Lance? You're not saying anything."

"Now that I know you're a girl, I'm seeing that you're a _girl_."

"Are you sure you're fully recovered from the explosion? Is your brain still a little scrambled?"

Lance threw his hands into the air with a frustrated grunt. "No, my brain isn't scrambled. But I think my heart is."

She frowned and her brow furrowed again. "Lance, I'm going to go get Coran. I think you need some more time in the healing pod thing."

"No," he said, grabbing her arm as she turned to leave. Without breaking his grip, he tugged gently and pulled her into his embrace. Before she could react, he bent and brushed her lips with his.

She stiffened in his arms for a moment before pushing him away and taking a few steps back.

"See. I told you that you'd hate me if I let you know why I was acting differently."

Her posture softened and she shook her head slowly. "I don't hate you, Lance. At least no more than I did before."

When he didn't even smile in return, she continued, "Lance, I'm not here to find a boyfriend. I'm here to find my family; to find my brother and my father. I can't let myself be distracted by anything else."

He nodded, but wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Maybe after we find them, maybe then I can think about relationships and _things_ " she said, waving her hand around feebly, unable to find the words she needed.

"I get it," he said quietly. "But you do know that none of that is mutually exclusive. Having a boyfriend wouldn't keep you from searching for your family or being a paladin. You can have and do all three. If you want to that is…" he finished lamely.

"Maybe," she assured him evenly. "I'll think about it. In the meantime, friends?"

"Friends," he replied taking her hand in his and shaking it gently.

"And, Lance?"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me again without permission and I'll come at you so hard you'll wish I'd let Keith finish beating on you earlier instead."

He gulped and nodded. "Right." But it was her smile that really told him that things were back to normal.


End file.
